My Maui Menopause Jail.

HORMONAL HELL WITH A VIEW. SUNSET AT LA PAROUSE BAY IN MAKENA, MAUI

Sunsets suck and so do I.

When you gaze at this gorgeous sunset from Maui, it’s probably hard to believe this photo represents a dark time in my life. Just a few years ago major hormonal imbalances not only hijacked my health, but bombarded my beautiful world with crazy, compulsive thoughts, incesent insecurities, old, ugly habits and a terribly pessimistic perspective about life. I was in a major mental menopause meltdown along with experiencing severe physical symptoms.

That’s right. Here I was in Hawaii surrounding by bright blue turquoise waters, silky smooth sandy beaches, a balmy breeze and nightly soothing sunsets. It’s one of the most remote place on the planet. Most only dream about visiting this paradise let alone living on one of the islands. I was lucky enough to be hold up at my bestie Melanie’s house in Maui. Sounds like perfection, right? Except I was in hormonal hell and didn’t know it. Or did but was in denial. Or didn’t fully understand why or what was happening. I was only 45. And on an island, there’s nowhere to run. You can only deny and distract yourself from your demons for so long. Then - as I learned - you must sit and and admit your sh*t.

Truth is…

women all over the world are struggling with menopausal symptoms earlier than every before - early 50’s, 40’s and even into mid-30’s. For some it’s a breeze, for others like me, it’s debilitating. I’m astonished how little is known about hormonal shifts, alarmed at the stigma attached to it and outraged at how little it is understood, addressed and honored.

The reality is I had been well on my way to menopause a couple years earlier while owning a raw/vegan/gluten-free cafe in Durango, Colorado. I never had problems with my periods growing up so really hadn’t ever given much thought to my hormones except for trying not to get pregnant in my younger years. So I blamed my missed and irregular periods, irritability, reactive emotional state and chronic fatigue as a result of being a stressed business owner. Didn’t all entrepreneurs caffeinate up and “wine” down each day to cope?

I thought it all could be fixed with a vacation after I closed my business. Off I went to southeast Asia (basically running from apparent female issues) to rest and recuperate.

Acknowledging your hormonal issues.

A change of scenery only emphasized the inevidable. Those of you who’ve known me for some time know that travel is one of my biggest passions in life. I normally feel alive in new environments and love the challenge of adapting and exploring. But when I hit Bangkok I felt alone, afraid, unsure and unsettled. It was as if I had lost my identity, my personality, my confidence and my competence all over night. Real changes were happening and I didn’t like them. I was scared and confused. No longer having periods meant giving up my dream of having kids and being a mother. It also meant losing my identity as a woman, or so I thought. I would mourn menopause (or all I thought menopause meant) and fight to find myself over the next three months. I had no idea about the loaded hormonal shifts yet to come.

I share because I care about demystifying menopause and midlife.

Some time after returning to the United States I found myself in the biggest panic attack of my life (anxiety is a symptom) driving from San Francisco to LA. I swerved into a rest stop. I sobbed uncontrollably (mood swings are symptoms) Life was spinning out of control and I didn’t know what to do (confusion is a symptom). I called my friend Melanie who talked me down and said, hey, I have an extra room. Get to LA, get on a plane and come to Maui. You’ll figure life out. Till this day I still thank her for her angelic actions.

Maui was not a destination for me, but came from a desperation in me.

While Maui and Melanie provided a nurturing and nourishing nest to heal, I couldn’t quite pull myself out of darkness despite my self-starter personality. I beat myself up daily for not being able to get it together. To get better. To feel better. To be better. To be ME. I couldn’t stop feeling fat (belly fat and bikinis don’t mix) flabby (loss of muscle mass), exhausted (need more sleep), unenthused (low motivation) and undesirable (low libido). Getting hit on by 70 year old men wasn’t helping my confidence either. I was desperate to feel good. Happy hour seem to be a good place to try? But all the liquid joy, fried Pupu’s (Hawaiian word for appetizers) and drunken playmates couldn’t fill my void. My futile attempt for happiness was digging me deeper into despair (alchohol, sugar, fried food, little sleep all detrimental to hormones).

Why Maui sucked so badly.

Maui not only is a tourist destination but also celebration central for those seeking a memorable magical moment. The island is constantly filled with happy people - weddings, honeymoons, anniversary celebrations and babymoons (a celebratory vacation before the baby comes). All honoring the fairytale life every woman is brought up to dream and desire. To me, it was a cruel joke by the universe. Hey lady, if you don’t feel bad enough about yourself, let me parade everything you didn’t get in your good years. Hit me where it hurts. Shove my face in what I can’t have. Pregnant women, kisses, snuggles, new love, old love, the swooning, the romance - it all made we want to barf. I became the biggest Debbie downer that every existed.

Hormones are vital to a woman’s health.

I finally went to see a naturopathic doctor to get my blood and hormones checked and hopefully get to the bottom of my mental meltdown. The results showed I was absolutely flat-lined. I had no estrogen, no testosterone and no progesterone to speak of. She was shocked I was still functioning. Why had I waited so long to check in on my body, brain and spirit?

I simply didn’t know how vital hormones were to my health. They’re not JUST for fertility as we’ve been taught and told. Hormones are catalysts for so many bodily functions and processes. These sex hormones along with dozens of other hormones, are the epitomy of our existence. PLEASE HEAR ME. If you are feeling “off” and it’s been going on for a bit, go get your blood work done. It is your human right as a woman to know what is happening in your body. You need this information to make an informed decision what’s best for you. As a coach, I can then help you decipher where you are lacking and we can come up with a plan on how to get back in balance.

Bio-identical hormone replacement therapy.

I immediately asked to be put on bio-identical hormones (derived from plant sources and are similar to the hormones your body naturally produces). Within days I felt like a new woman. I felt like the Kirsten I knew and loved. In fact, I felt more alive, more grounded and centered. I continue to this day discovering and deepening my own personal relationship with myself. I believe it is a gift of the second half of life for all women on this planet. Oh and yes, I will stay on my bio-identical hormones until I intuitively feel it’s time (if ever) to stop. I’m not saying they are for everyone, but I am promoting that they are an option for feeling better and getting you back in balance.

Don’t believe the dangers you’ve heard about HRT (hormonal replacement therapy). Science has come a long way in the past 10 years. I’ll be writing much more on options for women.

You are not alone.

I want you to know whatever you’re feeling right now - crazy, lost, depressed, angry, frustrated, suicidal, a shell of yourself - It’s all valid and is OK. I see you. I hear you. You are not alone. Millions of women on this planet are feeling exactly like you or some version thereof. Hormonal shifts can be messy, confusing and downright debilitating especially when you have no idea that it’s even happening. It doesn’t take away from the fact that you are beautiful, perfect, whole and complete. You are not broken. you are imbalanced.

Ask for help.

If you are tired of feeling tired, frustrated with weight gain, hair loss, hot flashes, night sweats or a myriad of other hormonal imbalance symptoms, I’m here to help you. Schedule a free consultation today and let’s get your groove and glow back. Life is too short to live less than your best life!